11/50 Gina Cerminara's book, MANY MANSIONS (William Sloane
Associates, Inc., N.Y.) had her analysis of [
369]'s case on
pages
162-165:
The next case of loneliness presents the same basic pattern,
[as Mrs. [
1468]] though details differ markedly. It concerns
a woman of English descent who teaches kindergarten but who
has always longed to be married. She was the only child of
middle-aged parents, both of whom died when she was very
young. She was reared in a staid and conservative manner by
two elderly aunts. As a result she has had great difficulty
in adjusting to other people of her own age. Throughout her
life she has felt lonely and set apart from others, and she
has developed marked introvert tendencies.
There was one love affair in her life, but the attraction was
purely a physical one. As the psychological incompatibility
became more and more apparent, the incident closed. Since
then her life has seemed to her to be frustrated and empty.
She enjoys her work and is professionally successful; she is
efficient, competent, intelligent. At recurring intervals,
however, she is engulfed by a depression which lasts for
several weeks and then gradually subsides. During these fits
of depression she has contemplated suicide. One would never
imagine her to be subject to such a profound dejection, as
she is an attractive woman with a positive manner.
According to her reading the outstanding event in her history
was suicide in the Persian period, four lifetimes back, when
Bedouin tribes made a raid on her country. At the time she
she was a daughter of the ruler, and was one of those taken
hostage by a Bedouin sheik when the raid was made.
Afterward she was transferred to the man next in charge, by
whom she had a child. Soon after the birth of this child - a
girl - she committed suicide. The daughter was thus left
to the tender mercies of the warlike people among whom she
lived, and fared very badly until she was picked up in an
emaciated condition by a traveling religious teacher and
brought back to health.
The reading indicates that the mother committed suicide only
because she so fiercely resented being subject to another's
will; and "the entity lost through this experience, to the
low dreg of taking its life only to satisfy itself - not in
self-defense or in defense of principle or of country."
Further details the reading does not give; but one reads
between the lines and senses that she was proud, haughty,
arrogant, self-willed, and that she destroyed herself rather
than suffer humiliation to her ego.
In view of her present temperament - a marked independence of
manner, which seems almost as brusque, and self-sufficient as
that of any man - it seems likely that the psychological sin
of her Persian life is the very thing that casts up a barrier
between herself and men in the present. It is a certain lack
of pliancy, a refusal to renounce her self-determination,
which perhaps frightens men away from her now.
Curiously enough, she has, in this life, always longed for
a child. Had it not been for the difficulties raised by one
of the elderly guardian aunts, she long ago would have
adopted a baby girl. Another curious carry-over is the fact
that she has frequently thought of suicide. Since obtaining
her reading, which gave her a reasonable explanation for her
situation, she no longer considers suicide as a way out,
knowing that what she does not meet now she will have to meet
at another time.
In another one of her readings she was told, however, that
she could still expect marriage in this incarnation, but
later in life; that she should meanwhile try to make herself
helpful in every way possible to all those with whom she came
in contact. When she asked how soon she might expect this
happy consummation, she was told, "When you have proved
yourself it will come about." She was given clearly to
understand, in several places, that this is a testing period
for her. When she asked, "Why have the last five years of my
life been so entirely devoid of all contact with men?" she
was told, "It has been a testing period of that which is
your basic purpose for this incarnation."
Here, then, are two cases where suicide involving the
abandonment of a child has resulted karmically in loneliness
and the lack of a husband.
4/05/52 "Enclosed check for my membership and the other for
Mr. Cayce's birthday. I hated not being there as usual but
[
1922] had a slight operation that week-end and I drove her
back from the hospital that afternoon.
Thanks so much for putting [Aunt [...]'s] name so promptly on
the prayer list and for the material you have sent [glaucoma,
hypertension]. I do pray that she won't have to lose her
sight." [GD's note: Her other aunt had died in Dec. '46 -
for years she had worried that she would outlive Aunt [...]
whom she loved. Her fears were groundless, or else her
prayers were ans'd, because she was left with the one she
loved to care for in her old age.]
7/04/56 Miss [
1922] having gone home for the summer, Miss
[
369] phoned Miss [
288], as was her custom when all was not
well with her. Miss [
288], now Mrs. [...] had gone on
vacation with her husband. Her brother, [
391], answered the
phone. He and Miss [
369] had known each other for years and,
both being unhappy, they celebrated the 4th together.
Quickly [
391] proposed marriage. After a week of
celebrating, Miss [
369] decided she would NOT marry [
391].
In the meantime she had communicated with Miss [
1922] who was
horrified; she knew [
391], that he was much younger and
emotionally unstable. She and [
369] then planned a vacation
together.
7/22/56 She wrote Miss [
288]: "I've gotten all mixed up
inside with [
391]. I feel that due to my environment plus
[
391]'s nature, that nothing more could come out of this.
All this and much more I have told him. He insists I am
wrong. Now you know [
391] and you know me, and I'd like your
honest opinion about this. For some idiotic reason I worry
about him. Underneath all the talk there is much sweetness
in [
391]. A couple of yrs. ago I was going with someone.
I decided I didn't care enough for the person. So quite
easily and simply I broke it off, by always refusing to see
him when he called. It wasn't difficult. But with [
391]
it is as if I were deliberately cutting off a part of myself
something that has not had a chance to complete itself.
You know about [Aunt [...] being so ill with cancer] and all
it involves. I suppose I'm simply trying to be reassured
that I am making the right choice." [Miss [
288] said she
wrote her saying she felt that the right choice had been made
and that she should not encourage the association, telling
her that [
391] had left for ... Miss [
369] phoned [
391]
and soon they were back together.]
8/09/56 Miss [
369] married [
391]. She and her friend Miss
[
1922] had already become addicted to drink, also frequent
use of tranquilizers. When she married [
391], an alcoholic,
her problems were multiplied. That fall she did not return
to her teaching job. Her friend Miss [
1922] returned, and
there was constant friction due to Miss [
1922]'s resentment
of [
391]. At the same time Miss [Mrs.] [
369], with [
391]'s
help, had to do much of the physical care of her invalid aunt
- which depressed her greatly.
12/17/56 She wrote HLC: "Thank you for trying to help [
391]
and me solve our problems. Please accept the following as a
contribution, which I hope in some small way will help to
carry on the work which meant so much to your father."
4/23/57 She renewed her membership. [Her aunt died early
that year.]
5/24/57 She phoned Miss [
288] that she was thinking seriously
of joining [
391] in Calif. where he had gone 3 weeks before.
She really loved [
391] and wanted to be with him, but
preferred that he return to her here. She was having much
trouble sleeping, and it was hard for her to secure the
tranquilizers she had come to depend on. Miss [
288] thought
she sounded more optimistic than she had sounded for some
time [11:30 P.M.]. However, eighteen hours later her body
was discovered in her car in the garage, no gas, dead
battery, ignition on, closed doors indicating she had got in
car, started motor and passed out. Who knows whether it was
accidental or planned? Her subconscious took over and acted
on past desires.
5/31/57 Husband [[
391]]'s letter:
"I'm still too numbed and shocked and full of hurt to think
very straight. Even tho I've had some little fear that
something of the kind would happen, I didn't really believe
it would. She has told me often the past few months that she
would never kill herself, altho before that she often
mentioned it, and I would fuss at her for even thinking such
a thing. However, it must have been in her mind all along.
I don't think that she had planned anything - it just
happened without her control of it. She didn't fully intend
to when she called me, because she had almost made up her
mind to come to Los Angeles or meet me in Denver. She said
she would come here if necessary, but would rather live
somewhere else. Also her last letter was so cheerful and
sending a stamped envelope, and one of the last things she
said was to "write as often as you can." I believe that she
became a little unbalanced right at the last minute and
couldn't control her body or thoughts for the time being.
Anyway, I hope and pray that she is happier now than before,
with all of the indecision she had. It leaves me with such a
painful blank or void regardless of anything else. The fact
that I won't be able to see or be with her any more hurts so
terribly, because I know we were both looking forward to
being together again and I know I could have helped her to be
happy a little, at least."
5/31/57 Miss [
1922]'s letter: "Of course there will never
be a time when I don't miss [
369], but I am convinced that
God is taking care of her and that it was for the best, at
present."
6/57 Miss [
1639]'s note: "[
369] and [
391] took care of me
in their home when I came from the hospital, helpless [from
a stroke], after her Aunt [...] died. I enjoyed being with
them and they seemed so happy in their marriage. They nursed
me and cared for me like a baby."



Edgar Cayce Readings © 1971, 1993, 1994, 1995 by the Edgar Cayce Foundation