8/07/46 [
1523]'s letter to Gina Cerminara:
Dear Gina:-
Probably the best way to write up the report you requested is
to picture myself talking to you. My spelling is lousy and
I'm pretty much out of practice writing - but here goes!
The disharmony between [
1548] and me started at a very early
age. The first incident I remember took place when I was
about eight and [
1548] fourteen. Two cousins (girls about
the same ages as ours) visited us for a few days. I suppose
it isn't at all uncommon for kids to clash but somehow this
seemed to stand out in my mind. Any attention I would get
annoyed [
1548] to the point that she would whip up all kinds
of imaginary things, such as pretending that she was going
somewhere or that she had toys to play with, and if they
wanted to share these things with her - they would have to
leave me out of it. I was no match for her then and she
usually won her point. I wasn't conscious of having any
feeling of antagonism at that age, but I would feel hurt and
defeated and most often would end up playing by myself and of
course feeling very sorry for myself. Envy seemed to be the
outstanding feeling at that time. I remember that Santa had
brought her a wonderful doll that would open and shut its
eyes, and had long curly hair. I was never permitted to play
with the doll - just look at it occasionally. Each year I
wrote to Santa for a doll that looked just like that one -
but it never came. Later when I found out who Santa was I
couldn't understand why such partiality was shown. I guess
I did envy her.
The next thing I remember was on more of a grown-up scale.
[
1548] had a boy friend whose name was Bob. He was quite
handsome - the Clark Gable type - and his father was a rather
well-to-do farmer. Bob used to ride by our home quite often,
driving one of his dad's trucks hauling produce to be shipped
and [
1548] would watch for him so that she could wave and
throw kisses to him. When I caught her at this I began doing
the same thing and teasing her. She hadn't meant for me or
anyone else to see this demonstration of her affection for
Bob, and we would get into a fist fight over it. I used to
hide behind doors and wait to catch her (See Q-5, L-R-French
Period) [
1523-13, Par. 25-A] and get no end of satisfaction
out of it even though she would win the fist-fights. Later
on she used other tactics by taking me partly into her
confidence. I was so pleased with being in the know that
even though she used me to accomplish her own ends - I
didn't mind.
Some years later when she was in senior high I found myself
being left out of the know and that just increased my
curiosity. From this time on she became so secretive that
she didn't even want me to know how many pairs of hose she
owned. When her dates would come around I'd get a little
attention - here and there - then jealousy came to the
foreground. She would pull the big sister act to cover up -
but I was beginning to grow up and it didn't fool me one bit.
[
1548] had a beautiful body and was very distinguished
looking, yet having typhoid fever at an early age did
something to her that made her shoot up like a weed. Being 6
feet tall made it very difficult for her to get clothes and
her shoes had to be made to order. Besides, being so tall
eliminated many escorts that she would normally have had. In
her mind this grew into a major handicap and eventually gave
her a complex that made her feel that I had gotten all the
breaks, and she none. She affected an attitude of
indifference but underneath she was very possessive and that
just complicated things for her right and left. When I was
around this complex seemed to emphasize her secretiveness,
and even though everything was kept in order on the surface
for the benefit of the elders, I had the feeling that all was
not as it seemed. When I would get after her about what I
thought we would invariably wind up scrapping. Mama [
1541]
got so she didn't pay any attention to us but just let us
fight it out.
After I was separated from [
2508] and before I married [
1650]
we spent three winters together. Beginning then, another
outstanding characteristic presented itself and has stayed
with us right along. She always felt quite free to take
anything that was mine - first without my knowing it and
eventually it didn't matter whether I knew it or not. For
instance in New York she was going to school part time to get
her Master's Degree in Physical Education, and I was making
enough money to keep us going. She was keeping track of
everything spent so that she could pay me back. I was doing
waitress work and would bring home my tips and keep them in a
box. In checking just to see how I was doing I discovered
that either I couldn't count or someone was taking my money.
We had another girl in with us so I didn't say anything until
I found out what was going on. [
1548] was helping herself
to enough to take herself and one of the students she had a
crush on, to plays, etc. Then the year we went to Florida
we had the understanding that we'd pool our earnings -
everything fifty-fifty. I had a job lined up which I turned
over to her because it would be easier for me to get a job
than it would for her - neither of us were looking for
anything permanent. When she became ill with T.B. and I
took over the job that was intended for me - even at the end
of the season I made $18.00 the first day - and all along she
had been telling me that she wasn't making over $5.00 even on
good days. I didn't average that $5.00 a day in the job I
took, and had to work like "hello Pete" too - sometimes as
late as 12 at night. She knew all this but apparently felt
quite alright - so long as I didn't know that she was salting
her extra money away. By the time I found out what was going
on she was so sick with T.B. that I never mentioned it to
her. It worked out that she needed all that she'd made and
more before she got back on her feet. (Since she felt that
I had taken Mr. [
1650] away from her - even though the
readings indicated that was not the case - she undoubtedly
came back this time with the feeling that anything she could
take from me was her due - for it certainly never seemed to
bother her conscience).
The second year we were in N.Y. I met Mr. [
1650]. Whenever
she knew he was coming to the apartment - she would leave.
In the main she made every possible effort to avoid him.
She wasn't ugly to him, but just wouldn't enter into our
activities if she could help it. [
1650] wondered why, but it
apparently didn't bother him, he assumed an air of patience
and aloofness. I didn't understand it for I'd had other
dates and she was always very nice to them.
After we were married, living at ..., and things began to
go so badly between [
1650] and me, [
1548] would always take
up for [
1650]. He was never wrong, I was always wrong no
matter whether it was [
1650] or someone else.
I was never conscious of a feeling of jealousy or hate for
[
1548], and I don't think she felt any hate for me though
suspicion and jealousy remained a definite attitude on her
part, and in the main I was always suspicious of her with the
result that an atmosphere of antagonism was always present
between us. This feeling of antagonism between us was so
pronounced that we couldn't enter the same room, whether or
not we spoke to each other, but that others in the room would
feel the tension. This attitude of suspicion and antagonism
became a very definite condition between [
1650] and me,
though I didn't recognize it as being the same until after I
had gotten my Dearborn reading and attempted to get to the
bottom of what was wrong with my association with [
1650].
After getting my reading on Dearborn I began the difficult
task of trying to apply the suggestions given to bring about
a better relationship for all concerned. I began with not
saying anything to either [
1548] or [
1650] unless I could say
something constructive. In time I was able to change my
attitude with the result that I became more aware of my own
faults and eventually I was able to see their side of the
story. It was at this time that I began to analyze my
differences with others by telling myself "That we see in
others, that we are guilty of." "This is not a chance
relationship but a purposeful one, use it in God's way."
"Know that good and evil are set before thee each day, choose
thou." "Forgive if ye would be forgiven." "You have to
believe in others if you would have others believe in you."
"Love vaunteth not itself." "True love forgiveth all
things." "Know in whom ye believeth and the author of that
belief." "Do not do anything that would be a question to
thine own conscience but dare to do that ye believeth."
As these thoughts became a part of my attitude, changes in my
association with [
1548] and [
1650] began to take place and
both reacted in very much the same manner. With [
1650] I
would acknowledge sincerely that the fault was mine and asked
his help in doing what was best. With [
1548] I would say
nothing but attempt to apply an attitude of loving
indifference. In time I had a sense of freedom within
myself. [
1548] became more irritated than ever for it
seemed that she at least had some kind of release when I
would bicker with her, and this change seemed to leave her
frustrated. Eventually [
1650] lapsed into a sense of
security and it seemed to me we were further apart than ever.
Both accused me of acting superior. [
1548]'s comment was
that "it must be wonderful to always be right," and [
1650]
cautioned me that people would be calling me Mrs. God before
long. Apparently neither of them realized what had brought
about the change.
After [
1650] and I were separated I was able to detect more
of an attitude of harmony with [
1548] than I had experienced
in a long time. With a couple of exceptions, incidents that
took on proportions, we have had more harmony consistently
than since I met [
1650]. It is true, however, that I haven't
been thrown with her as much since my separation from [
1650]
but the change is unmistakable. The Dearborn reading did
remind me not to remain in too close association with my
family and I have been able to follow through with this
suggestion since I've been separated from [
1650]. My
separation from [
1650] took place as a result of his own
decision. It is my sincere belief that our separation will
make it possible for [
1650] to regain his self respect and
live a happier and more constructive life. This opinion
which I voiced at the time of our separation has been
verified by a letter from him which I received about 3
months ago.
Quite a few people have questioned me regarding my separation
from [
1650] in view of the fact that the readings told us
that to separate would defeat both of us in this incarnation
(refer first joint reading for exact wording). Nothing but
such a warning would have kept us together, so difficult was
our relationship at that time, and I firmly believe it would
have been the destruction of us both if we had separated at
that time. Furthermore, any changes would not be indicated
since failure to, or the success of making our
relationship permanent depended upon us. Lack of
cooperation or application on the part of either would
change the course of events. In the six years after the
joint (first) reading, [1523-6], was given, I was given the
opportunity to meet many karmic problems which have
spiritually and mentally speaking, helped me to move from
adolescence to maturity. (See first life reading, 1523-4.)
Further, I believe the years of study and application
prepared me to help Mr. and Mrs. Cayce more effectively in
their greatest hour of need. I shall always be grateful and
humble for being chosen as one of those who did help at that
time, yes, I consider that it was a blessing to be among
that group. I know that it was a privilege for I
experienced seeing karma disappear, and the law of grace in
action. The full realization of this came to me that night,
the first few minutes after Mr. Cayce's passing, as I stood
with one hand on each of his feet repeating "The Lord's
Prayer." I knew that "I had been about my Father's
business" and that He blessed me for it.
[
1650]'s reading suggested that he would do very well
materially and otherwise in Connecticut, and he seems to be
headed in that direction, for he is now in Philadelphia. I
know that he was not unaffected by his contact with Mr.
Cayce, and his life reading, though my intense interest in
the Readings caused criticism and withdrawal on his part.
Truth often has a way of sticking with us, especially if we
can make the other fellow think we thought of it first. I
firmly believe I fulfilled my obligations with [
1650] for
this incarnation. Not so with [
1548] - there will be more to
come - and so this report is only complete to date, perhaps
not complete but sufficient, I hope.
I could add one comment that might prove interesting, it was
my first reaction to the two questions, one about [
1548],
[1523-11, Par. 28-A], the other about [
4930], [1523-11,
Par. 30-A], I thought, now ain't that something, I could give
[
1548] all kinds of advice and really get her straightened
out if she would listen to me - and with [
4930] - to advise
him was something I had to be forced into. If that were
turned around, I thought, how much easier it would be for me
to carry out! Not strangely, [
1548] has the same idea about
me, which she tried to get over to me last summer when she
was drinking. She said she loves me and only wants me to be
happy. I told her that if she really wanted me to be happy
she would let me make my own decisions and find my happiness
through applying myself in my own way, she said that suited
her fine BUT I should do this, and I shouldn't do that, ad
infinitum. She couldn't bring herself to understand that
there should not be a "but." No doubt six years previously
I would have agreed with her, provided I was doing the
telling.
I do hope this will be a help to you, Gina. Any questions
you care to present do so and I will do my best to enlarge
upon what I have written. Just make your questions specific.
There is only one instance that I can think of that might
be useful to you at this time. I don't know just what, if
anything, the readings had to say about it, but I remember
hearing Mrs. [
1100] say that Mr. [
470]'s sister [
1895] is
jealous of her, it seems that the sister was Mr. [
470]'s wife
in some other incarnation. Maybe Gladys or Hugh Lynn will be
able to give you a follow-up on this.
Any and all news from the Association is most welcome,
printed or otherwise. The manner in which you handled the
introduction to "What I Believe" By E. C. is super, by far
the best piece of work I have seen of yours. It is
remarkable how you caught the real personality and
individuality of Mr. Cayce. The simplicity and the
straightforward style used was ideal. Other writings in the
same spirit of expression are bound to be a success. Let us
have more of this style of writing. Keep up the good work.
Most sincerely, [
1523]
8/13/46 Gina Cerminara's ltr. to Mrs. [
1523]:
Dear [
1523]:
I shall have to be brief because my eyes are bothering me
but I do want to thank you for the very excellent report you
sent with regard to you and your sister. The additional
information you gave about you and [
1650] will, I am sure,
be helpful later on when I come to that aspect of the matter.
I only wish that more people realized, as you do, the
importance and value of these reports.
Thanks for mentioning the [
1100] case; I shall check up on
it.
No, there's no other question that occurs to me at the
moment. Somebody once asked if it were necessary for a
diplomat to know Latin and Greek. The answer was: No; it
is sufficient to have forgotten them. Research work is
something like that; one has to amass about ten times as much
material as one can possibly use. But the amassing of it is
necessary, if only to give a background, a subconscious, a
reservoir. So if the material you sent me boils down to one
paragraph, don't feel that it was wasted effort on your part!
[GD: See Gina's use of it in her 1950 book, MANY MANSIONS,
pages 208-209.]
I'm glad you liked the introduction I wrote; thanks for the
good words.
My very best to you, and my sincerest thanks.
Yours, [Gina]
11/11/50 Report to GD by Mrs. [
1523] on her present brother,
- [
4930], who had been her companion of the Dearborn period,
father of [
2778]:
"I went dancing for a couple of hours at the American Legion,
in a party with [
4930] and [
3479] and friends. [
4930] was so
obviously in his Dearborn background, going from table to
table, patting different ones on the back - drinking etc. He
came back to the table and started in asking me to sing his
favorite number - "Lonesome Road" - wanting me to sing with
the band, insisting that he would stand right there by me
and hold my hand. Said he loved me better than anyone else
in the world - and had been trying to figure out why he
hadn't married me [this in a laughing vein of course]. Said
he would rather dance with me than anyone else he'd ever
danced with. That is of particular interest in view of the
fact that he knows nothing of his connection with me in
Dearborn - in fact rejects anything that deals with the
thought of reincarnation, etc."



Edgar Cayce Readings © 1971, 1993, 1994, 1995 by the Edgar Cayce Foundation