Edgar Cayce Readings, 3900-1

5/29/51 [3900]'s reply to Questionnaire:
BACKGROUND FOR MY REQUEST FOR READINGS FOR MYSELF AND MY SON, CASES #3900-1 A PHYSICAL READING AND #3621-1 A PHYSICAL READING
All my life I had heard two fascinating stories, which molded my attitude toward Mr. Cayce and the Readings. They were the cases of my brother, [4468] and my father's sister, Aunt [4493].
In view of these stories, the three questions allowed when applying for a reading seemed as unnecessary to me as would three wishes after being handed a million dollars. Why should I ask questions when Mr. Cayce was going to tell me more about the condition than I even knew myself? So, in compliance with what was expected in an application I did ask the questions but deliberately searched for some subject completely unrelated to the main trouble.
ANSWERS TO QUESTIONNAIRE
CHIEF COMPLAINT: The condition which prompted my request for reading could probably be described as a nervous breakdown...of a sort. Physically, I had been found to be anemic with low blood pressure and fast pulse - generally run down. This had been true for some years, however, before the extreme nervous tension with its various manifestations took hold of me some time in 1942. I had been to several doctors seeking help but there was no apparent physical cause for the physical pain in my chest, the tight bands around my throat, the palpitation of my heart, the indigestion, pains in the colon area, pain between my shoulders and at the back of my head, a general feeling of tension and extreme anxiety...as if I were walking on the edge of a precipice not knowing at what moment I would fall. These pains and feeling were with me almost constantly but when anything at all was expected of me...such as taking dictation, for instance...they would all intensify tenfold, a feeling of complete exhaustion would come over me, and I would feel a terrifying fear and desire to get away...this is when I would feel I had fallen into the precipice. However, I never at any time gave way to those feelings and I forced myself to continue with whatever was expected of me. I was off from work one month in 1943. Aside from that, I managed to make it to my vacation each year. Of course, I did not sleep well and for several years did not know what it was to feel really rested upon awakening.
One doctor did tell me that the operation I had in October, 1941, (hysterectomy) may have had some bearing on my nervous condition, and he suggested that we try some hormone shots, to which I had a bad reaction, and he said I did not need them. Of course, I was given blood builders and vitamins, etc.
I did not explain to the doctors to whom I went, except partially to the M.D. mentioned in the preceding paragraph, about the nerve tension and the feelings that went with it. I could not bring myself to do so...I had a horror of being thought a neurotic...and I was too much in the middle of it to be able to talk about it.
Before receiving my reading I had started going to an Osteopath for treatment. She gave me a very definite explanation for the pain between my shoulders and in my chest...said there was a rib lesion in the upper dorsal area, the muscles were knotted and had twisted a rib, causing the pain my chest an back. This condition was the "3rd and 4th dorsal" referred to in the reading.
TREATMENT: Although the Reading was a great disappointment to me and did not describe my condition, my feelings, and the causes as I had expected, I knew that what Mr. Cayce gave was true.
The treatment was followed EXCEPT for the "preceed by one only of the reverse electrical vibration from the sinusoidal machine," which we could not locate at the time. The Osteopath to whom I was going for treatment had the short wave machine & twelve of these treatments were given, as suggested. Many, many more osteopathic treatments were taken and have been repeated at times ever since.
Mr. Cayce directed that the short wave therapy be used over the gall duct area. This was significant to me because I had been told I had a little trouble in the gall duct area and had been given medicine for that purpose a year or two earlier. Also, I failed to mention in the summary of my physical reactions that the whole area of the solar plexus felt as if a huge stone were lodged...or that the organs of that area were tightly drawn together and frozen, producing a pressure in the whole upper part of my body with a hurting, not exactly a cramp but a feeling of hardness within.
I was sorry I had asked the question about "gray hair vitamins" because it sounded so superficial... I was just trying to think of some unrelated questions because I could see no reason for asking about my trouble when that was going to be completely explained in the main part of the reading. I did not realize I had asked four questions. The suggestion which Mr. Cayce gave for keeping the color of the hair was not followed - I had too much on my mind and too many things to do to bother with it.
RESULTS: The only real relief I had was from Osteopathic treatments, and I did feel that the short wave treatments helped. These things gave relief temporarily from the physical pain, but had no effect on the feelings and reactions which were so terrifying to me. (The fact that I had no conscious control over these feelings and physical reactions...no matter how much I reasoned with myself about it...made me feel as if I were losing my mind.) I don't know how much worse I might have been if it had not been for the treatment suggested by Mr. Cayce in the Reading. If the Reading had been followed to the letter, using that one treatment with the sinusoidal machine preceding the other, and the treatments and osteopathic adjustments given by one with an open-minded, sympathetic attitude toward this "work" of Mr. Cayce's, the results might have been more definite and lasting.
The Osteopath realized that I was under the strain of extreme nervous tension and once said to me that I had no business working but should have about three months of complete rest to gain any real benefit from the treatments I was taking... my responsibilities made this impossible. I do believe that if I could have had complete release from all responsibility, a great deal of rest and a great deal of time spent out-of-doors, I could have completely recovered and regained my equilibrium. The Osteopath to whom I went is a wonderfully kind an understanding person and I dearly love her, but she and her two brother (all D.O.'s) are all very good Baptists of the type which shuts out everything but the most orthodox theology...the questioning mind, where religion is concerned, is dangerous and has no business delving into a lot of crazy ideas which could very easily lead to paganism.
GENERAL REMARKS: Being of an optimistic nature, I have always been inclined to believe things were going to be better, and throughout this experience I desperately held on to that hope and belief that I was going to be better. That is, there were times of deep despair and discouragement when I was overwhelmed by doubt, fear, confusion, hopelessness, and a feeling of desperate loneliness, but this was always followed by a new determination, renewed effort to overcome the "thing," intensified study and review of the things I had come to believe that gave me hope and encouragement. During the darkest days of this experience, which were the year of two after my reading, my main sources of strength and encouragement (among the other reading I was doing) were the section on philosophy in THERE IS A RIVER and the very long mimeographed explanation of what a Life Reading is (I do not remember the title of this exactly, but I believe you will know what I am talking about...it is at home in my files). Parts of these I read over and over and never failed to gain courage and strength to keep on keeping on.
I had been introduced to metaphysics in about 1940 or early 1941...it was a wonderful revelation to me to find that there was so much literature which went beyond dogmatic theology. I had always had a quilty feeling about wanting to question my religion. I was raised with the belief that it was not ours to question but to accept, but I began to find that there were many others who wanted to ask questions and there were many answers to be discovered. I was thrilled by the reincarnation theory and accepted it immediately with the feeling that "I knew this was true all the time," though I had never consciously thought on the subject...so, I believed in reincarnation and was studying Unity before I had my reading, but the philosophy given by Mr. Cayce and all the wonderful information which came through his readings bolstered my faith, gave me courage, strength of will, and encouragement which was like a friendly hand grasping mine and helping me to climb up to level ground when the path looked too steep and hard for me.
In the early part of 1945, I believe, I was feeling desperate and felt that I HAD to have some kind of help from someone, so I asked my M.D. to recommend to me a psychiatrist. He was supposed to be one of the best in the southwest. I explained my trouble as well as I could, and he asked me to tell him what I had figured out about it, if anything. I had been reading everything I could get my hands on in an effort to understand what had happened to me, and had tried to make an objective analysis of my "case" in order to retain my sanity...which I wasn't so sure right then that I had accomplished. Beginning with my childhood, through my marriage, and up to the time this thing had hit me, I explained what I thought had been the underlying causes of the final break. He told me I was right, assured me I was not losing my mind, patted me on the shoulder, and I paid him $15. I went back two or three months later, feeling I was at the end of my rope that time, and asked him if he wouldn't put me in his sanitarium and give me some shock treatments... to which he smiled, patted me again and said, "My dear, you don't need any shock treatments, you are on the right track, you aren't at the end of your rope, and you must kept on because you will come out of this." His advice to me was to force myself to do the things which frightened me most, because I knew from my own explanation (My apologies, please continue) that the circumstances, the people, or the places, had nothing to do with bringing this about. Of course, in the movies the analysis which discloses the causes for the condition brings about a miraculous and immediate cure...but it doesn't work that way. This psychiatrist, in my opinion, should have been perceptive enough to see that I was always inclined to push myself, that I had already done too much forcing and that it was the thing which furnished that extra energy to force one to go beyond endurance that was broken. If he had been "enlightened" he could have given me some real help, but he had no more than a tolerant attitude toward metaphysics. He thought that kind of study might be all right because of its psychological effect. He had some very good friends who were Christian Scientists...they were fine people, and he thought Christian Science was all right in some cases. But if I had not already gained some understanding and developed some firm convictions about Life, my two trips to one of the best psychiatrists in the southwest would have left me completely hopeless and absolutely desperate for somewhere to turn for help. As it was I went back to my study and renewed determination to apply what I was learning...and gradually, very gradually, I have overcome first one phase and then another, sometimes making more progress than I realized. It has been a long, long-drawn-out process, but I am practically myself again.
I have made some wonderful discoveries. In all those years of struggle, when I was so desperately lonely, so confused and discouraged, wondering why my prayers were not answered, they were being answered all the time. It seemed to me that other people found help from some human source, some understanding from someone who realized what they were going through, but I seemed to be denied this. I thought of many sources of physical help but for some reason or another nothing would work out. But I realize now that my first thought in prayer always, and my most intense feeling, was not on the actual cure that I wanted, but this: "SEE that I meet this in the way that will put such an experience forever behind me, so that I will never have to meet such a thing again." I thought my desire was for a quick cure, which I so desperately need...but my deeper desire was for the understanding, growth and self discipline which would be a true and everlasting step upward for me. By being forced to rely on the One Source for my help, I am receiving that for which I was asking.
I did have a most wonderful spiritual experience, a miraculous and complete cure, sometime in late 1944 or early 1945, I believe, during the darkest days of my struggle. This lasted for about 24 hours, during which time I knew complete freedom...illumination...a wonderful expansion of soul and oneness with all life. BUT I could not accept it... I later realized what Jesus meant when he told his Disciples that he had much more to give them but they could not bear it. I did not have the understanding to be able to hold on to it... I had not reached that place in consciousness, but I did not understand this at the time. I had asked and received...and then I was surprised that I had received...too good to be true, etc. I had accidently shifted the right gear and everything began to work in perfect ease and harmony, and the shock was more than I could bear. But I now understand what happened... I achieved complete surrender and consequently received complete freedom. But that is getting into another story and all this is not pertinent to my physical reading.
I have had to type this straight through without editing, due to lack of time, and I know it is rambling. There is much that I have not said, but there is much here that could have been unsaid, I am sure, but I will have to mail it as is or it might never get done and your file on this "case" remain unfinished.

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BACKGROUND

REPORTS